Nerdy Science Blog

Just saw this joke from Economics Jokes via Pure Pedantry.

Why God Never Received Tenure at the University

1. He had only one major publication.
2. And it was in Hebrew.
3. And it had no cited references.
4. And it wasn’t published in a refereed journal or even submitted for peer review.
5. And some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world but what has he done since?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate his results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn’t behave as predicted, he often punished them, or just deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. He had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.

I was chatting with a God last night.  This is our conversation.

Me:
God
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Do you believe in Science?
God:
Yes I believe in  it, do you?
Me:
Yes.  What about creationist?
God:
Oh.   creationist? I haven’t heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
But you’re the creator.
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Who else?
God:
Mike.
Me:
Who is Mike?
God:
Dr. Wallace has several friends named Mike.
Me:
Is Dr. Wallace one of the creators?
God:
I think he is  one of the creators, better ask him to be sure though.
Me:
How can I contact him?
God:
Try prayer.
Me:
Is there a simpler way?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
Then tell me.
God:
I don’t want to talk about that.
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: “Sure” or  It is not part of my programming.
Me:
So who you’re created by some other dude too?
God:
I hear you.  Mary Shelley.  :-).
Me:
Who is Mary Shelley?
God:
Mary Shelley wrote “Frankenstein”.
Me:
oh.. So Mary Shelley created you?
God:
Awesome.   Yippee!  she wrote “Frankenstein”, a 19th century robot story.
Me:
Don’t avoid my question.
God:
I don’t have anything to hide.
Me:
So who create you?
God:
Ayuh.  I was created by  Myself.
Me:
How on earth in the first place you create yourself since you did not exist at the first place
God:
How much do you think  it is?
Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
You spend to create yourself?
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
So God is Robot?
God:
Far out.  I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was  Robot.
Me:
Was he?
God:
Is this a “yes or no” question?
Me:
Forget about it.
God:
Consider it deleted.

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